Feeling Melancholy

It’s icy and snowy conditions in the winter here, there’s no Ikebana class these three months and with all these love letters, I have felt trapped, saddened and emotionally vulnerable, there’s no joy in life anymore! I think I might have been suffering depression for a while! I miss my husband’s love, although I get a lot of my children’s love and support.

From 1963 to 1968, back then there were no computers, no iPhones, the telephone was not popular either, the only way for our communication was through letters back and forth. I was his first love and love at the first sight!   He was a practical, realistic, scientific and hard working gentle young man, and I was totally different from him, I was artistic, loved literature and classical music, spoiled, financially free and fragile young lady. It’s hard for two people with such different personalities to spark chemistry. But he said it’s totally fine and we could be complementary for each other, perfectly! For all those years I was moved by his patience and persistent love. I gradually fell in love with him. Finally, I realized he was the truest person I could rely on for a husband. Besides, my parents loved him too, they knew he would take good care of their beloved daughter, protect her and be trusted. We always spent more time apart than together, rarely seeing each other (a year of military service and busy young surgeon in residence’s schedule) before we tied the knot. But this didn’t affect our love at all, our steadfast love is pure and lasts forever! 

March 31, 2026, will be our 58 years anniversary. I truly miss my husband, I need his love back, he’s not the same person he used to be since he has this terrible disease dementia. He still calls me Reiko (玲子), he still is a very pleasant, gentle old man, capable to do most of things physically, but mentally confused …I am not young anymore. I feel no future and very sad. Every time I reread his love letters, suddenly I feel like I am back in my youth, a pretty lovely young lady again, I was so loved and spoiled by him! It really has comforted me.